Acquainting Yourself with Big Country

While Dr. Bruce Hoadley (Wood Identifier M.D.) is known for his analyzing and tasting of wood, he is lesser known for his hidden skill at identifying whether or not something is Big Country, or for lack of a better explanation, fucking gay and stupid.

Alright everyone. Settle down. We obviously adore Big Country, right?

Whether we’re gathered around the computer screen watching “fuckar.mp4” for the millionth time, or we’re guffawing at classics such as “hoinga.jpeg” or “rape.jpeg”, Big Country is the ultimate a Big Deal. Nobody’s disagreeing with that here, folks. However, it may have come to our attention that some so-called esteemed fans are unfamiliar with what BC (Big Country, for you yellow-bellies) actually is, or what this is all about. That’s where we come in.

Also, by the way, it smells really bad in here, I know one of you farted and I’m not going to forget that.

To understand the what, we must first address the why. Why do we love Big Country? Well, it’s quite simple, he’s a charming character with a wide range of personality, from the funny guy in the military who hates niggers, to the funny guy who is no longer in the military who hates niggers. He’s fucking massive and wields comically large weapons and drinks comically large beers (usually split into 18 cans for ease of consumption). What’s not to love?

Seriously, who cut the cheese? It smells like one of you shat your fuckin’ pants, this seminar being free does not prevent us from removing you, so knock it the FUCK off.

Big Country (or Large Nation, as some may refer to him as) is a father, a soldier, an ex husband and husband, and a shining example of an American Patriot. We should all strive to verbally abuse those close to us at any possible moment. We should physically threaten or suggest acts of crude violence on those who disagree with us or slight us. We can all only hope to be as financially literate as Big Country, the domesticated American cattle, who spends all of his disposable income (and then some!) on survival rations for five people for twelve months, ammunition, firearms, and other associated supplies. Personally, I plan to spend 16 hours a day in front of my computer just so I can hope to be but a fraction closer to sharing qualities with Big Country. Truly a stellar role model.

Big Country is not simply a person, but an idea. We all know a Big Country close to us. We all know someone who is just as invaluable to society as Large Nation. Without people like the Big Country’s of the world, our way of life would be drastically different. We must be not only appreciative, but aware of them. Knowledgeable of their presence, informed of their status. Pledge allegiance to their existence, and use that information appropriately.

I’m fucking done, someone has been laying craps in here and I’ve completely lost my train of thought.

-Richard Cockskin

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